Friendly lunch with benefits?

I seem always to have women friends--I'm sure there's something Freudian in this, but that (as always) is another story. The thing about these women friends is that they're all eminently fuckable, though that almost never turns out to happen. Mostly unavailable, too, for various reasons (mostly, that they tend to be friends with both Misty & me, and discretion in our relationship is paramount).

But sometimes, I find myself flirtatiously enjoying the company of a woman entirely independently of my marriage. That's when things get tantalizing, at least.

Almost 4 years ago, I was at an event, sitting at dinner with Misty, who pointed out someone she thought was attractive about whom I can remember nothing). But I had noticed earlier a young lady with long, dark hair and glasses, and she was in exactly the right position to point her out as a preferred object of my lust. That was that, until later in the evening, Miss X. (who turned out to have a name, something like "Hilary") introduced herself, and we turned out to have a great deal in common.

So on the way home tonight, I mentioned having a nice talk with Hilary, and after asking me to describe her, Misty said "Oh, the one you thought was cute, right?" Um, yep, that would be her. And the conversation went on to other, non-Hilary things. But after a few inquiries, Hilary and I made arrangements to get together for a covert drink.

I thought she was just adorable--I confess to having a type (dark hair and glasses, which describes both of my wives, Hilary, and most other women whom I'm inclined to notice), and lots of tiny freckles. Whenever we got together, I kept noticing this one freckle on Hilary's lip, and I rather understood the Victorian sensuality of limited body parts being on display--she has a birthmark behind her right elbow, which I only saw twice: once at an early breakfast, and once the last time I saw her, this past June. The rest of the time, she wore long sleeves.

Alas, whether it was just because of me personally, or the fact of my marriage, our relationship was strictly platonic, and not even flirtatious. I took her winetasting (a favorite hobby), giving me the perfect chance to test physical boundaries a bit, and there was no reciprocation. So for four years, I was content to have a professionally-inspired casual friendship which was neither fish nor fowl. My regret is not so much that we didn't become romantically involved as the fact that we never became particularly intimate as friends, either.

In June, Hilary graduated, and left for post-doc work in another state, and except for chance, it's unlikely that our paths will cross again. We're still in touch a bit by e-mail, but it's hard to see even that continuing in any serious way, though we'll probably keep track of one another's careers.

But the night of our last drink, I went over to a dinner at a friend's house, where I was entranced upon meeting and then talking with a young lady in an arcane field at Cal. She was wearing a t-shirt that said "Reading is Sexy," and she was right. I've been a little coy about coming right out with saying "yeah, our marriage is open/polyamorous"; my preferred phrase is the ambiguous "Misty and I tend to socialize separately."

Hypatia and I have seen each other a lot, mostly in group gatherings, but twice otherwise, in parallel with a more playful, flirtatious e-mail correspondence. Once, we had tea (of all things) and translated erotic poetry. Yesterday, we had lunch at an Indian dive, and seem to be increasingly comfortable at mentioning quasi-taboo things (like me teasing her about not asking for a ride to her new apartment so there wouldn't be any danger of me turning into crazy-stalker-guy--not the sort of thing one usually acknowledges at all). So we'll see.

Turns out she has a thing for older men, which parallels a thing I have for women d'une age certaine. Certainly common ground for a nice friendship.