Starting Young
I was sexualized at an early age. Was it more than most people? I don't think so. I'll be clear about one thing: my sexual awareness was not a result of abuse or any sort of adult inappropriateness; rather, it came from curiosity and pleasure.
For as long as I can remember, I knew how to masturbate. I have no idea, of course, how I discovered that little treat, but I did it young and often. Most often, by hand, though my family had a bonus: one of those old-style vibrators that slipped on to the back of your hand. I learned the art of extended, multiple orgasms, all without an erection. In fact, I did everything I could to avoid getting an erection, because the feelings went away. If that's what it's like to have a clit, I want to go back to those days!
Actually, when I hit puberty, I discovered that I was "supposed" to get off with an erection, and everything changed. Not neccessarily for the better. But I digress.
So besides my private sex play, I had one friend in particular--Mark--with whom I played a lot. And much of that play was sexual. We would go out to find nooks in his overstuffed garage and we would "boy-screw". Yes, that means what you think. Little penises in little buttholes--who needed lube? We even tried licking each other, but just once, and: Ick! All this at the ages of about 6-8, when I switched schools and Mark moved away. There were others to share masturbation techniques with (though we didn't know to call it that), but no one else to play with as intimately until high school.
That would be Eddie. He was a year younger than me, and everyone knew he was "queer." We were right, as it turned out--let's face it, sometimes you really CAN tell. Up to about age 16, we would often spend the night at each other's houses, and be glad to share the same bed. We tried blowing each other, and tried fucking too. Didn't get very far with either, but it was fun to play. I remember Eddie's body changing, and he must have been paying attention to mine, too--I still remember the first time he had pubic hair.
All this time, mind you, I was unremittingly interested in and unsuccessful with girls. I would have "almost-girlfriends" and talk a lot on the phone, but never had the nerve to do more than hold hands or sit snuggling together. My first kiss was goodnight after my senior prom. (More about the fairer sex in time.)
I did have one friend in high school who I knew was gay--Rob. Our last names were next to each other alphabetically, so we sat together in almost every class for four years. On our senior retreat, Rob and I arranged to share a room, and I had even snuck in some adult beverages. I wanted so much to do it for real, but I just didn't have the nerve. Damn, damn, damn.
So all this is to give some sense of myself as being right in the middle of the Kinsey scale. I love women, and have had my only relationships with them, including two trips to the altar. And I have no intention of changing that. At the same time, I've since played around with men, and really enjoyed it. It's fun being on the other side of a penis. I suppose that means the ideal is an MMF threesome--thank goodness I have friends who are glad to oblige. And yes, that's a part of my marriage too.
Let's see: so far we've got bisexuality and polymorphous perversity. Where will we go next?
For as long as I can remember, I knew how to masturbate. I have no idea, of course, how I discovered that little treat, but I did it young and often. Most often, by hand, though my family had a bonus: one of those old-style vibrators that slipped on to the back of your hand. I learned the art of extended, multiple orgasms, all without an erection. In fact, I did everything I could to avoid getting an erection, because the feelings went away. If that's what it's like to have a clit, I want to go back to those days!
Actually, when I hit puberty, I discovered that I was "supposed" to get off with an erection, and everything changed. Not neccessarily for the better. But I digress.
So besides my private sex play, I had one friend in particular--Mark--with whom I played a lot. And much of that play was sexual. We would go out to find nooks in his overstuffed garage and we would "boy-screw". Yes, that means what you think. Little penises in little buttholes--who needed lube? We even tried licking each other, but just once, and: Ick! All this at the ages of about 6-8, when I switched schools and Mark moved away. There were others to share masturbation techniques with (though we didn't know to call it that), but no one else to play with as intimately until high school.
That would be Eddie. He was a year younger than me, and everyone knew he was "queer." We were right, as it turned out--let's face it, sometimes you really CAN tell. Up to about age 16, we would often spend the night at each other's houses, and be glad to share the same bed. We tried blowing each other, and tried fucking too. Didn't get very far with either, but it was fun to play. I remember Eddie's body changing, and he must have been paying attention to mine, too--I still remember the first time he had pubic hair.
All this time, mind you, I was unremittingly interested in and unsuccessful with girls. I would have "almost-girlfriends" and talk a lot on the phone, but never had the nerve to do more than hold hands or sit snuggling together. My first kiss was goodnight after my senior prom. (More about the fairer sex in time.)
I did have one friend in high school who I knew was gay--Rob. Our last names were next to each other alphabetically, so we sat together in almost every class for four years. On our senior retreat, Rob and I arranged to share a room, and I had even snuck in some adult beverages. I wanted so much to do it for real, but I just didn't have the nerve. Damn, damn, damn.
So all this is to give some sense of myself as being right in the middle of the Kinsey scale. I love women, and have had my only relationships with them, including two trips to the altar. And I have no intention of changing that. At the same time, I've since played around with men, and really enjoyed it. It's fun being on the other side of a penis. I suppose that means the ideal is an MMF threesome--thank goodness I have friends who are glad to oblige. And yes, that's a part of my marriage too.
Let's see: so far we've got bisexuality and polymorphous perversity. Where will we go next?
posted by Adam at 1:05 PM
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